Epic Rap Battles of History:Doctor vs Lawyer
by Shadowjab17
Summary: I don't own or represent the hidden characters in this Rap Battle. I also don't own ERBH. I only wish. The Doctor and Lawyer are just generic by the way. Enjoy.


**_EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!_**

 ** _DOCTOR!_**

 ** _VS._**

 ** _LAWYER!_**

 ** _BEGIN!_**

 **~Doctor~**

Ya know

I'm usually a pacifist

When it comes to

Things like this

But for you

I'll make a special visit

To your little firm

And fix it!

Ah!

My quick and detailed analysis

Shows you suck

At your job

For you don't give a f*ck

About your client

You just want the money

To hell with fighting!

What happened to innocent

Till proven guilty?

I prescribe a healthy pill

Of actual feeling!

And you see I have over

30 Doctorates

That means

I get high doctor rates

So get ready for the bills

Goes down hard

Like my pills

As I show what a doctor

Can do to you!

 **~Lawyer~**

As if I'm scared of you!

Your a doctor!

Not serial killer too!

I should know

I defend several

See them on tv?

And thanks to my skill

They can do what they please

As long as they pay my bill

They cruise along seas

I can also accuse

I have the full package

No one escapes my abuse

From my big baggage

I send all to jail

Like I'm playing Monopoly

Just try to bail

You can't stop me!

I've payed off the judge

So he won't judge

I've payed off the jury

To escape their fury

I've payed everyone to win

For it is worth it in the end!

I make so much dough

You do too

But I'm sure

I make more than you do

Doctorate shit

Not worth the shoes

I'm stepping in

 **~Doctor~**

I think there is something

Wrong with your lips

You keep talking

But I only hear shit

I know the cause

You suck too much d*ck

I prescribe a healthy dose

Of Ass-prin

 **~Lawyer~**

I'll sue your pants off

For that copyright infringement

And it will count!

For I surely cause fringe-ment

With my powerful word

I'm so convincing

I can say you need a jerk

For your wife is missing

'Cause she came to my house

To kiss it

 **~Doctor~**

Why you-

 **~Lawyer~**

Doubt you could hurt me

I've been called many things

I'm invincible you see

From head to ding-a-ling!

 _( Dr. Gregory House steps up between the 2. He locks eyes with the doctor first)_

 **~Dr. House~**

A real doctor wouldn't get this mad

Over such a silly fling

This lawyer ass-hat

Can't compete with the real thing

Trust me

So go out and do your doctor deeds

Stopping wasting time

Help those who are in medical need!

 _(The Doctor runs off and Dr. House turns to stare down the Lawyer)_

As for you

Why are you here?

Did Cuddy-boss

Not make herself clear

We don't do charity

Do I need to say it slow

For you to get some clarity?

Or are you here

To rap battle?

If so,take a beer

Your gonna need it

 _(Dr. House picked up his cane and poked the Lawyer in the chest with it)_

Your pathetic trash

Who can't get his head

Out his ass

And spends all his hours

Trying to pay ohters

Into fighting the justice power

Your not me you mother-

F*cker!

I'm a guy who became famous

For a few diagnostics

I'm badass

And agnostic

Don't know what that means?

I'm atheist

Newflash dumbass

Your standing in the beyond

Of Dr. Gregory House

The doctor god

If there's a problem

I test with a question

What's me against you?

Guess!

The answer?

Your rap-battle death!

I should know

I'm legally dead

 _(The lawyer nearly passes out from fright. Dr. House was about to leave when Thurgood Marshall appeared and helped the Lawyer up. He then spoke to the Lawyer)_

 **~Thurgood Marshall~**

I know your despicable

But let me do justice

Leave here Mr. Invincible

I'll finish your final statement

 _(The dazed Lawyer runs away. Marshall instantly guns down on Dr. House)_

Thanks to Nathan

I know your awful

For there is nothing equal

With a runaway free doctor!

Your racist and ignorant to ohters

You beleive everyone's a bother

We both love our mothers

But at least I know my father

You abandoned with the grandmother

Got abused like no tomorrow

Doesn't excuse the real problem

For you shut out people

To solve the unsolvable

Doctors are your gospel

Praying you to do the impossible

But let me tell you

Your so insensible

You refuse happiness

Because your so so damn irresponsible

You endanger everyone

Even if your credible

Your jack-ass levels

Are beyond incredible!

I ended up a big shot

In the Supreme Court

You ended up a punk

Good luck sport

At least I died happily

My family survived me

You'll die again lonely

Lost in memory

 _ **WHO WON?!**_

 _ **WHOSE NEXT?!**_

 _ **YOU DECIDE!**_

 _ **EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**_


End file.
